“Is it going to be awkward?”
“What will I say?”
“What if she doesn’t like me once we hang out in person?”
These thoughts were flying through my head—as quickly as the plane I was on—as I made my way across the country to see my best friend for the first time. She and I had met through a pen-pal program when we were 8 years old. After countless letters and phone calls, the day had finally arrived…now at 16, I was headed out to her family home.
After the first few minutes of “I can’t believe it’s really YOU!”, we settled into our comfortable rhythm. We did what most teenagers do—ate junk food, stayed up way too late talking and giggling into the wee hours of the morning, and tooling around her quaint country hometown. After a couple of weeks, an irrevocable bond had been strengthened. Her family had become my family…and the rest is history.
For those of you who know me well, you know of whom I speak. For those that don’t, here’s all you need to know: she is the most important human in my life. My person. My ride or die. We joke that when we get older, we’re going to move in together and live out our final years in each other’s company. I have no doubt that we’re going to have a rip-roaring good time until the very end.
Our connection started early—almost instantly. We both loved reading books. And when I say we both loved reading books, I mean A LOT. Our letters were chock full of reading recommendations. We talked about our families. Our friends. As we got older, we started sharing more of the real things. Dreams. Love. Heartbreak. Big changes. Loss. Triumphs. Fears. Joys. Life.
Every so often, we talk about how rare connections like ours are. When you feel as if a string is connected from your soul to theirs. When you don’t have to ask how they’re feeling because you just know.
On my last visit, she was getting a couple of her kids situated in the car. It wasn’t quite going to plan. I was sitting in the passenger seat, and she looked over at me with a knowing glance. I looked back with an equally knowing glance, and she said “See? This is why we’re friends. You know exactly what I’m thinking right now and I don’t have to say a word.” And then we laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot.
That moment when it hits you—the feeling like you’ve known them in another life or something.
There is such comfort in our friendship. Whenever I’m around her, I feel like I can finally exhale. I feel safe, seen, held, and loved—simply because of her existence in the world. I can be fully myself. No judgment. What a lucky woman I am…and what a gift to have been given.
There have only been a couple of other times when I have felt that type of deep soul connection with someone. That moment when it hits you—the feeling like you’ve known them in another life or something. You’re seeing directly into their heart as they’re looking into yours. No filter. No pretense. Just depth. And realness. And a connection so strong, you almost can’t believe it exists.
Friendship isn’t a big thing.
Becca Anderson
It’s a million little things.
If you find those soul friends, cherish every moment with them. They don’t come around very often and you never know how long you’ll have with them when they do. From the 5-minute conversations as one (or both) of you are running errands, to the week-long visits—every moment counts.
Often, we think that friendship needs to be this big, grand thing, but the truth is that “Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things.” (Becca Anderson)1
The soul friendships I’ve been lucky enough to find have not only helped me feel deeply connected to something bigger, but have also helped me find my way.
While Stephen Cope2 talks about many different types of soul friends—this definition is the most resonant for me:
“They have been irreplaceable companions as you’ve worked your way up the path toward an understanding of the meaning of your life. They’ve shared your struggles to understand, to make meaning, to express and fulfill your true self, and to see into the depths of your soul. They have become conscious partners and allies in your search for an authentic and fulfilled life.”
I couldn’t have said it better.
A huge thank you to all of my soul friends—without you, I wouldn’t be me. You have shaped my experience. Held space for me. Seen me. Loved me. Celebrated with me in the high moments—and sat with me in my darkest days. What an honor it is to be in true connection with you.3
Cheers to the million little things we’ve shared so far…and the million little things to come. I wouldn’t want to do life any other way.
1 Need a good cry? Watch A Million Little Things.
2 If the topic of Soul Friends interests you, check out this book. It provides a fascinating look at all of the different types of soul friendships you might encounter.
3 If you have a soul friend (or two), this is your sign to call them. Or text them. Or just send them a little love.
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