Tag: soul

Toward

carissaricci

How many of us have a string of unfulfilled New Year’s resolutions in our pasts? I’m hoping it’s not just me…that would be embarrassing. If you can relate, take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. I rarely persisted the whole year with any resolution I set. I would always draft them with the best of intentions, but they never truly got to the heart of what my soul was longing for. Because they weren’t tied to what mattered most to me, I could never consistently check those boxes.

With the beginning of each new year, I now choose a word of intention instead. Something I can keep coming back to. Something that will ground me when I feel lost or need encouragement. Last year’s word was “trust” and I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that I leaned into that one hard most of those 365 days. It stretched me and pushed me in ways I wasn’t expecting—and provided me with some of the most incredible experiences I’ve ever had.

View from Piestewa Peak Summit

After sitting with my reflection on the 365 days behind me, I turned my attention to the 365 days ahead of me and experimented with some words to see how they fit. I wanted something that indicated movement and action-taking. Forward? No. Onward? Still not quite right…but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I found a quiet space and let myself settle into how I want to feel in 2024. And that’s when the word dropped in. Toward. It implies not just a forward motion, but a forward motion with a specific intention.

So, what am I moving toward?

  • A career that feels more fully me. Where I can do work that is directly tied to where my soul is calling me to be.
  • Connections with people that are genuine—with vulnerability, depth, heart, and light.
  • Moments when I am fully present and that bring me a sense of wonder and joy.
  • Adventures in new places where I can explore to my heart’s content. Meet new people. Try new food. And experience a part of the world I’ve never been before.

It’s all well and good to make statements and express desires, but if there’s no driving force behind it, they often fall into the same wastebasket as crumpled up New Year’s resolutions that were never realized. There needs to be some fuel behind them. They need to be connected to something real inside you, and sometimes, you need your community or other sources of inspiration to keep you going.

Here are some quotes I’ve seen lately that have helped me stay grounded:

The longer you resist the calling of your soul, the harder it is to find your way back. Intuition isn’t instilled in us for nothing. It’s the movement inside us that we must listen to if we want the void to vanish.

Nikki Rowe

I can corroborate this one. For so long, I lived in the ways I thought I “should”. It took me a long time to find my way back and to trust my own intuition again.

Your soul calling will never leave you alone until you honor it and follow it.

Rhys Thomas

For me, this looked like little internal whispers…followed by little nudges…followed by bigger pushes. I’ve been working hard to get better at hearing the whispers and honoring them the first time I hear them. I don’t want to wait until the “push” stage again. I liken that stage to what a baby bird must feel like being thrown out of the nest by their mother…not the best sensation. Just sayin’.

Pay close attention to the reason you get up in the morning. The daydreams you lose yourself in, the books that ignite your imagination, and the songs that make your atoms want to dance. Pay close attention to the people that energize you, the conversations that spark curiosity, and the jokes that make you laugh—these are the clues to your happiness.

Taj Arora

When you get so wrapped up in something that you lose track of time…maybe unintentionally skip a meal. If you hear yourself saying, “I would do this even if I wasn’t paid for it,” that’s a good indication that you’re on the right path.

I’ve also heard the term “energy vampire” recently which made me laugh at first, but then realized how much sense it made. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Are you energized or drained? If it’s the latter, that’s a great opportunity to reevaluate how much of your energy you’re willing to put there.

Our happiness is something we cultivate, and we can do it with intentionality—exploring what is true for each of us.

To honor all of this, I must embrace a persistent willingness to say “yes”. To things I think aren’t possible. To things I’m not sure will work out. To things that feel BIG…and maybe a little uncomfortable. If I feel alignment in my soul, then “yes” has to be the answer. Even if I’m not sure how I’m going to get there or what it will look like.

For those of you that are setting your own intentions for the year ahead, know that I’m rooting for each of you and cheering you on. Even when the road ahead seems uncertain. On the days you want to give up. When there seem to be more questions than answers. You’ve got this.

And if you get stuck, remember to let your soul take the lead. It knows the way.

The Messy Middle

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Limbo. The in-between. Neither here nor there. In suspension. 

These are all phrases that describe the feeling when you’re in the process of big transitions and have jumped from one side but haven’t made it to the other yet. I personally prefer using the term “messy middle” because that’s realistically more of what it feels like to me. Let’s get rid of the fluffy language and inspirational posters about “enjoying the journey” and really dig into what it means to be in the space between.

When I find myself in the “messy middle”, the only remedies I’ve found that help me sit with the discomfort of those moments are getting out in nature and listening to music (not always done together or in that order).

If I’m sitting with something really big, I have to get outside. In true Pacific NW fashion, that typically means heading to a trail in the woods…preferably on a mountain somewhere. Away from my computer. Away from my phone. Away from distractions. That’s where I can catch my breath, clear out the noise, and just be.

One of my favorite ways to process hard things is to grab my backpack and spend the entire day hiking in the woods. Crossing streams. Sitting with my feet in waterfall pools. Listening to the wind in the trees. Hearing the impact of my hiking boots hitting the trail. My breath going in and out as I climb…and then taking in the amazing views when I make it to the top. Sitting in wonder—finally reconnecting to the heart of myself and also feeling like a small part of something so much bigger than me. That’s where I find my center.

If I can combine hikes with ocean views, I’m always down for that.

So, where does music come in?

My obsession with music started when I was a kid. I played it all the time. And I mean all the time. When the Walkman1 became a thing, I was hooked. It meant I could take my tunes with me wherever I went. Music has always spoken to my soul in a way that nothing else does—it goes beyond the words and melodies—it touches places within me that I can’t get to any other way. I still use music to process hard things, and even when I’m not in the midst of big stuff, I usually have something going in the background. Studying. Working. Hanging with friends. Road trips. Workouts. They all have soundtracks. 

These are some of the “messy middle” songs2 I’ve been listening to lately:

(Never Let Me Go  |   Florence + The Machine)

For me, this is a reminder to surrender to the unfolding and natural flow of life. So often, we try and control outcomes or make plans in an effort to protect ourselves. What if we let the “arms of the ocean” carry us for awhile instead?

(Every Teardrop is a Waterfall  |  Coldplay)

When I first heard this song, the lyrics about being “in the gap between the two trapezes” stuck with me. I’ve caught myself humming this song a lot lately because my life is feeling very much like I’m hanging in that gap. (Side note: This is a 2-for-1 growth opportunity for me. Since I have a fear of heights, I can work on that whilst I also try to make my peace with existing between one side and the other.)

(Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay  |  Otis Redding)

One of my favorite things is to sit on a sand dune and watch the waves roll in and out. It has been hard for me to embrace stillness, but I’m getting there. I’ve been working on finding the value in myself beyond what I can “produce” or “do”. There’s a peace that comes with knowing that our existence is enough. We are enough—just as we are.

(The Space Between  |  Dave Matthews Band)

The longer I’m alive, the more I realize just how much time we truly spend in “the space between”. Languishing. Longing. Yearning. Waiting for what’s next. I’ve been trying to embrace both the tears and the laughter, knowing that both are temporary and will undoubtedly come around—again and again—as we sit in the messy middles of life.

(The Eye  |  Brandi Carlile)

This conjures up such a beautiful image for me…and is also aspirational. It would be incredible to be able to let the chaos of life swirl around me, and instead of letting it batter me about, I could stay grounded in the eye of the storm. And dance.

As you swing from one trapeze to the next, remember who you are and that you are loved—regardless of when that other side rises up to meet you.

If you’re in some “messy middles” in your life, know this:

It’s okay to be in the mess. It’s okay to be exactly where you are—you don’t need to fix it or figure it out today. Find some anchors. In a close friend. A favorite song. A beautiful trail hike. Your own breath. Stay grounded in the knowledge that you are not alone in the in-between.3

As you swing from one trapeze to the next, remember who you are and that you are loved—regardless of when that other side rises up to meet you. Because it will. It might not look like what you thought it would, but it will come. Until then, let’s do our best to dance in the eye of the storm together. Maybe with a little flair. Because, let’s be real…it’s just more fun that way.

1 For those of you that are too young to know what a Walkman is, Google it and prepare to be amused. Side note: If you’re really young, you might also have to Google “cassette tape”.

2 Disclaimer: Everyone has their own interpretation of songs and there are usually many different ones out there—these interpretations are my own (and can also change by the minute depending on what I’m feeling in the moment), but feel free to steal them if they will help you process your own big stuff.

3 If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been so distracted by processing my own “messy middles” lately, that I absentmindedly put my keys in the freezer this morning. You’re doing just fine.

Soul Friends

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“Is it going to be awkward?”

“What will I say?”

“What if she doesn’t like me once we hang out in person?”

These thoughts were flying through my head—as quickly as the plane I was on—as I made my way across the country to see my best friend for the first time. She and I had met through a pen-pal program when we were 8 years old. After countless letters and phone calls, the day had finally arrived…now at 16, I was headed out to her family home.

After the first few minutes of “I can’t believe it’s really YOU!”, we settled into our comfortable rhythm. We did what most teenagers do—ate junk food, stayed up way too late talking and giggling into the wee hours of the morning, and tooling around her quaint country hometown. After a couple of weeks, an irrevocable bond had been strengthened. Her family had become my family…and the rest is history.

Soul friends have a way of helping you from one side of the river to the other.

For those of you who know me well, you know of whom I speak. For those that don’t, here’s all you need to know: she is the most important human in my life. My person. My ride or die. We joke that when we get older, we’re going to move in together and live out our final years in each other’s company. I have no doubt that we’re going to have a rip-roaring good time until the very end. 

Our connection started early—almost instantly. We both loved reading books. And when I say we both loved reading books, I mean A LOT. Our letters were chock full of reading recommendations. We talked about our families. Our friends. As we got older, we started sharing more of the real things. Dreams. Love. Heartbreak. Big changes. Loss. Triumphs. Fears. Joys. Life. 

Every so often, we talk about how rare connections like ours are. When you feel as if a string is connected from your soul to theirs. When you don’t have to ask how they’re feeling because you just know. 

On my last visit, she was getting a couple of her kids situated in the car. It wasn’t quite going to plan. I was sitting in the passenger seat, and she looked over at me with a knowing glance. I looked back with an equally knowing glance, and she said “See? This is why we’re friends. You know exactly what I’m thinking right now and I don’t have to say a word.” And then we laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot. 

That moment when it hits you—the feeling like you’ve known them in another life or something.

There is such comfort in our friendship. Whenever I’m around her, I feel like I can finally exhale. I feel safe, seen, held, and loved—simply because of her existence in the world. I can be fully myself. No judgment. What a lucky woman I am…and what a gift to have been given.

There have only been a couple of other times when I have felt that type of deep soul connection with someone. That moment when it hits you—the feeling like you’ve known them in another life or something. You’re seeing directly into their heart as they’re looking into yours. No filter. No pretense. Just depth. And realness. And a connection so strong, you almost can’t believe it exists.

Friendship isn’t a big thing.
It’s a million little things.

Becca Anderson

If you find those soul friends, cherish every moment with them. They don’t come around very often and you never know how long you’ll have with them when they do. From the 5-minute conversations as one (or both) of you are running errands, to the week-long visits—every moment counts. 

Often, we think that friendship needs to be this big, grand thing, but the truth is that “Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things.” (Becca Anderson)1 

The soul friendships I’ve been lucky enough to find have not only helped me feel deeply connected to something bigger, but have also helped me find my way. 

While Stephen Cope2 talks about many different types of soul friends—this definition is the most resonant for me:

“They have been irreplaceable companions as you’ve worked your way up the path toward an understanding of the meaning of your life. They’ve shared your struggles to understand, to make meaning, to express and fulfill your true self, and to see into the depths of your soul. They have become conscious partners and allies in your search for an authentic and fulfilled life.”

I couldn’t have said it better. 

A huge thank you to all of my soul friends—without you, I wouldn’t be me. You have shaped my experience. Held space for me. Seen me. Loved me. Celebrated with me in the high moments—and sat with me in my darkest days. What an honor it is to be in true connection with you.3

Cheers to the million little things we’ve shared so far…and the million little things to come. I wouldn’t want to do life any other way.

1 Need a good cry? Watch A Million Little Things.

2 If the topic of Soul Friends interests you, check out this book. It provides a fascinating look at all of the different types of soul friendships you might encounter.

3 If you have a soul friend (or two), this is your sign to call them. Or text them. Or just send them a little love.